


Don't Let Me Ruin Me

by shions_heart



Series: omam verse [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Curses, Demon Hunters, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Gen, Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Of Monsters and Men verse, Slow Burn, Werewolves, kyoutani always has a shitty dad in my verses i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 08:37:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5821630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shions_heart/pseuds/shions_heart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yahaba Shigeru never wanted to come in contact with another werewolf after a scare when he was ten. But he finds himself drawn to one Kyoutani Kentarou, who seems to be hiding something. Naturally, Shigeru has to find out what that is.</p><p>A companion piece to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/5478908/chapters/12660152">Of Monsters and Men</a>, set beforehand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Let Me Ruin Me

**Author's Note:**

> I was commissioned to write more KyouHaba, which was great because that gave me a reason to write out their story from Of Monsters and Men! I did my best to make it so you don't have to read that one to understand this, but some parts might hold a deeper meaning if you do!
> 
> Enjoy!

Yahaba Shigeru was ten when he encountered his first werewolf. He wandered a few paces too far past the perimeter of the park, into the trees that stood dark and ominous. He followed the sound of rustling in the bushes, wondering if he’d stumble across a dog or a rabbit, not understanding the dangers of living close to a Hell Mouth.

He nearly ran into the wolf tearing into an animal carcass, too mutilated to recognize. The sharp inhale of breath was enough to catch the wolf’s attention, and it turned to look at Shigeru, yellow eyes flashing. Its fur was mottled and gray, and it looked thin, hungry. It turned completely to face him, and that’s when Shigeru realized that had the hands of a man, which held two pieces of bloody meat.

He fled before he registered what he was seeing, and thankfully the wolf didn’t chase after him. When Shigeru raided the library the next day, he found out about the existences of werewolves, about how they could shift into their animal form at will. During a full moon, however, they were stuck in their wolf form for each night of the three-day cycle, compelled by their curse. And it was just that, a curse. One couldn’t turn by being bitten. You or your family had to be cursed by a demon. It was a punishment for breaking a contract.

Reading about the terrible things werewolves were capable of, Shigeru hoped he’d never see another one ever again.

That wish was fulfilled until his first year at Aoba Johsai’s School for Demon Hunters. He joined at the age of fourteen, hoping to be a researcher and write books to help hunters learn about undocumented demons and creatures born of the Hell Mouth. Of course he had to go through the defensive and offensive combat training classes as well, as part of his required studies, and that’s where he met Kyoutani.

The first thing he noticed about Kyoutani was that the boy seemed frustrated. He glowered at anyone who got close to him, and when asked a question by their instructor, he would mutter his answer, avoiding eye contact and fidgeting. None of this was particularly odd, though. Shigeru simply assumed that the boy was self-conscious for some reason. Maybe it was his first day too. Maybe he was just nervous.

But then when he yelled at his senpai, a boy a couple years older serving as an assistant to help the younger students move through the different beginning techniques, Shigeru decided he didn’t like this disrespectful brat at all.

“You’re swinging too slow! Don’t treat me like a little kid, I can take a hit!” Kyoutani yelled one day, hands clenched around his sword.

The boy assisting him looked startled. “I’m just trying to take it easy so you’re prepared to defend yourself. You’ve only been in this class a few weeks, so—”

“So what? How am I supposed to learn anything if you take it easy on me?!” Kyoutani demanded. He flung his sword on the ground, and the loud _clack_ caused more than one person to look over. “Are you just stupid or something? Is that why you’re helping us? Because you’re not good enough to fight your peers?”

Shigeru stared, slack-jawed, stunned by the rudeness and audacity of this boy. His senpai looked pale, but while he attempted a reply, Kyoutani turned away and stalked out of the room.

Shigeru didn’t see him for several days after that. In fact, he didn’t see him in their combat training classes again that semester, even though it was a required course. He still saw him around the school in other classes and even, surprisingly, the library. But Shigeru told himself that it was none of his business, that it wasn’t his job to police Kyoutani’s behavior, so he simply frowned whenever he saw him and time passed and Kyoutani _still_ didn’t show for their combat training.

Finally, in the middle of their second semester, Shigeru couldn’t stand for it any longer. He marched up to Kyoutani in the library, slamming both hands down on the table hard enough to startle him. He jumped, quickly knocking the book he was reading off the table. This struck Shigeru as somewhat strange, but he had other things to focus on.

“Why are you here?” he demanded. “Do you want to become a hunter or not?”

“What the hell?” Kyoutani growled, his shocked expression melting into a frown of annoyance. “That’s none of your business.”

“If you’re not here to learn what it means to be a hunter, to grow in your skills enough to fight back the demons as a member of the Demon Hunting Syndicate, then you’re wasting everyone’s time by being here.” Shigeru realized that this was rather harsh, but his own irritation had grown, fueled by the defiance he saw in Kyoutani’s gaze. “If you _are_ here to become a hunter, than you need to have more respect for your senpai that are taking time out of their day to teach you how to be one.”

Kyoutani scoffed. “They act like we’re babies. That class isn’t a challenge. They’re going easy on everyone. You’re not learning anything.”

“They’re going easy on us because we’re kids, and we need to learn proper techniques before we can actually fight.” Shigeru stated, thinking that should’ve been obvious.

“I already know how to fight,” Kyoutani snapped, and Shigeru found this difficult to believe, considering the boy was the same age as him.

“How?” he asked skeptically.

But Kyoutani decided to shut up then, pursing his lips and standing. He grabbed his bag and stormed off, leaving Shigeru frowning after him. He walked around the table to pick up the book lying on the floor. When he saw the cover, he paused at the familiar picture of a werewolf, the title above it in red letters _The Encyclopedia of Lycanthropy._

He’d read this book himself. Several times. As he placed it back on the table, he wondered why Kyoutani had it.

As time went on, Shigeru grew closer to other students at the school, and Kyoutani became less important. He would still see him around campus and each time their eyes met he’d get a twinge of irritation in his stomach, but nothing came of these chance encounters. He became friends instead with a boy in his year named Watari, and began to study under the tutelage of Iwaizumi, one of the best fighters in the school already despite his young age. He was only a year older, but Shigeru couldn’t help but feel somewhat in awe of him. And once he got to know Oikawa, the other best fighter in the school, he felt like maybe this could be his chance to advance in his classes. He buckled down to learn everything he could from them, and he could feel his skills improving.

One day, as he sat with Iwaizumi, Oikawa, and Watari for lunch, he caught sight of Kyoutani across the commons. He must’ve made some noise of disgust, because Watari glanced over with a bemused smile.

“Is something wrong, Yahaba-kun?”

“No, it’s just . . .” Shigeru waved absently toward Kyoutani.

“Kyoutani-kun? What about him?”

“I don’t know. He’s just annoying. You were there when he yelled at Sawauchi, weren’t you?”

“Oh yeah.” Watari nodded slowly, chewing on his next bite of rice thoughtfully before speaking again. “He hasn’t come back to training since then, has he?”

Shigeru shook his head. Iwaizumi looked over at this, frowning faintly. “Who hasn’t been to training?”

“Kyoutani-kun,” Shigeru and Watari said in unison.

“He says he doesn’t need it because he already knows how to fight.” Shigeru added, rolling his eyes.

Oikawa tittered beside them. “Maybe you should challenge him to a duel, Iwa-chan,” he suggested, raising his eyebrows. “Make it a condition that he has to start coming to training if he loses.”

Iwaizumi tilted his head, looking thoughtful.

Two days later, he actually did it. Stepping across the commons, he hailed Kyoutani and challenged him, right in front of the whole school. Kyoutani didn’t look pleased with the terms, but Shigeru couldn’t help but notice the sparkle in his eyes as he looked up at Iwaizumi and nodded vigorously in agreement.

The duel took place that afternoon. Once classes were over, everyone crowded around the training grounds behind the school, eager to see the fight. Oikawa managed to get himself, Watari, and Shigeru a good vantage point, and before the duel even started, he began shouting encouragements to “Iwa-chan.” Shigeru and Watari exchanged grins, wondering if Oikawa could be any more obvious.

Kyoutani’s face was a mask of determination, as he stepped into the middle of the ring some of the other students had set up for them. Both he and Iwaizumi wore the leather protective gear required for training duels, and in their hands they held swords. Pistols and shotguns weren’t allowed anywhere on campus aside from the shooting range, so such practice duels always took place with swords instead. They were blunted, of course, but Shigeru couldn’t help but shiver at the gleam of the metal as it caught the rays of the sun and reflected them back.

They looked dangerous.

“Remember, if you lose you have to return to your training classes,” Iwaizumi stated matter-a-factly, as he began to circle Kyoutani.

“I know that already,” Kyoutani growled, but Shigeru could hear the tremor of excitement beneath his tone, could see the shine of his eyes, bright with anticipation.

 _Is he eager to fight or is it just because he’s fighting Iwaizumi-san?_ Shigeru wasn’t sure, but he told himself to root for Iwaizumi. There was no way Kyoutani could beat him, especially after skipping so many classes.

And his prediction was correct. Within ten minutes Iwaizumi had Kyoutani on the ground, pinned beneath his foot. Kyoutani glowered up at him, but Iwaizumi didn’t gloat. He simply shook his head at the younger boy and stepped back, offering his hand.

“You fought well,” he stated.

Kyoutani frowned at the hand. “I lost.”

“Your reflexes were quick, and you have incredible strength, but you lack technique and your skills aren’t polished enough to win against superior fighters. That’s why you need those combat classes.” Iwaizumi continued to hold out his hand, and after a moment Kyoutani huffed, grabbing it and allowing Iwaizumi to pull him to his feet.

Oikawa immediately rushed over, as the cheering begun, and he threw his arms around Iwaizumi’s neck, exclaiming over how well he did until Iwaizumi’s ears turned red, and he shoved his friend off him. Kyoutani scowled at the ground, and Shigeru noticed how nobody in the gradually thinning crowd stopped to say anything to him. Not a word of “good fight” or “you’ll do better next time.” In fact, it seemed like most people were avoiding him, giving him a wide berth as they exited the school’s property.

That didn’t sit well with Shigeru. He felt that Kyoutani deserved something for his willingness to step up to the challenge, to fight a student much more advanced and skilled than he. It showed a certain kind of bravery.

Without really knowing why, Shigeru followed Kyoutani and Iwaizumi and Oikawa to the showers. As Oikawa fussed over Iwaizumi’s stench, Shigeru stepped up beside Kyoutani, as he began to remove his armor.

Before Shigeru could offer any words of encouragement, however, Kyoutani turned to fix him with a hard glare.

“If you’re here to tell me ‘I told you so’ you can fuck right off,” he growled.

Shigeru frowned. “You know what you did wrong? You were too rash. You attacked too quickly and with too much strength. You tired yourself out and all Iwaizumi-san had to do was stay out of the way until you couldn’t move as fast. Then it was simple for him to take you down.”

Kyoutani slammed his armor into the bin for the wash. “It doesn’t feel satisfying if I don’t attack with everything I’ve got,” he muttered.

“Once you start coming to training again you’ll learn how to use everything you’ve got in a _constructive_ way, not just waving your weapon around like an idiot.”

Kyoutani huffed, but he didn’t seem to have a reply for that. Emboldened, Shigeru stepped closer.

“I could show you some of the things we’ve been learning, that way you can catch up faster,” he offered.

Kyoutani eyed him skeptically. “Why would you want to help me?” he asked. “Don’t you hate me?”

Shigeru blinked. “I . . . don’t know you well enough to hate you,” he admitted.

Kyoutani snorted, turning away and grabbing a towel and a bar of soap to step toward the showers. Shigeru watched him go, wondering if they’d made progress or not. He couldn’t tell.

Kyoutani did show up for training the next day, however. And the next, and the next, and while he didn’t speak much, he allowed Shigeru to give him pointers and walk him through some of the things he’d missed while gone. He never lost his frown, but he seemed to listen intently, and as time went on Shigeru began to notice an improvement in his fighting, and even his social skills. 

He started eating lunch with him and Watari and Iwaizumi and Oikawa, and although he didn’t really speak at all, Shigeru felt like maybe he didn’t find them as annoying as it seemed at first. He certainly seemed to admire Iwaizumi, and he always went along eagerly when Iwaizumi offered to show him some of his own, improvised fighting techniques.

A year passed like this, and although Shigeru didn’t feel like he knew Kyoutani much better, that irritation he used to associate with him faded until Shigeru stopped feeling it altogether. He might’ve actually started growing fond of the guy.

Which is why, on the first day of the full moon after Kyoutani’s fifteenth birthday, Shigeru immediately could tell something was wrong. For one thing, Kyoutani seemed more on edge than usual. He was quicker to grow impatient, to snap at anyone who got into his personal space or said something that rubbed him the wrong way. And even when Shigeru went to confront him, to ask him what was going on, Kyoutani brushed him off as abruptly as he had when they first spoke.

Shigeru told himself not to be offended, not to be hurt, but it still stung after a year of slowly bridging that gap between them. The hurt didn’t lead to anger, however, but to concern, especially when, during their combat class, Kyoutani knocked a kid down with his staff so hard the boy received a concussion. Their instructor told Kyoutani to take a walk to cool down, and Shigeru didn’t see him again for the rest of the day.

He didn’t show up for school the next day either. Truly worried now, Shigeru asked his classmates if any of them knew where Kyoutani lived. It took some detective work (and some bribery), but eventually he got the address and made his way to the house.

When Kyoutani opened the door, he immediately scowled.

“How do you know where I live?” he asked.

“I asked around,” Shigeru said plainly. “Are you okay? You weren’t at school today.”

“I’m sick,” Kyoutani muttered, looking away.

That’s when Shigeru saw the mark; red skin rubbed raw around his neck from something that looked like it’d be fastened tightly around it. He couldn’t stop his quick inhale of breath, and Kyoutani’s head whipped back around, his brow furrowed darkly.

“Don’t,” he growled, but Shigeru was already pointing.

“What happened to your neck?”

“ _Nothing_.”

“Obviously something _did_ , otherwise it wouldn’t look like that!” Shigeru stepped forward, trying to inspect the mark closer, but Kyoutani backed away, ducking further into the dark interior of the house.

“Mind your own business!” Kyoutani practically yelped these words, and Shigeru saw his eyes widen with panic. Fear.

Immediately Shigeru moved back. He had no idea what was going on, but he didn’t want to be the cause of Kyoutani’s fear. Before he could apologize, however, Kyoutani slammed the door shut. Shigeru stood there in silent shock for a moment, not sure why that received such a negative reaction. He’d only been trying to help. He waffled for a moment, not sure what to do. He contemplated banging on the door and demanding for Kyoutani to explain himself so he _could_ help, but he got the feeling that would only make Kyoutani angrier.

So in the end he simply turned and walked home.

That night, when the full moon was at its peak, Shigeru awoke to the sound of howling wolves. He shivered, doing his best to ignore it, but soon the howls became growls and yelps, the sound of a fight. Knowing he shouldn’t but unable to get the cries of the wounded out of his head, Shigeru got out of bed and made his way downstairs.

His father was already at the door with his shotgun. “Shigeru, stay back,” he said, standing in the doorway and peering into the darkness.

Shigeru wrapped his arms around his waist, hugging himself tightly. “How many of them are there?” he asked quietly.

“I can’t tell. Five or six. They’re ganging up on a smaller one.”

Shigeru stepped forward to see. His eyes widened, as he watched a pack of wolves snarl and snap at a wolf half their size. It had golden fur, matted with blood, and around its neck was a collar attached to a chain, the metal links ending a few inches past its chest, broken. It was fighting back as best it could, dodging quickly and using teeth and claws to beat back the bigger wolves, but Shigeru could tell it was a losing battle.

“We have to help!” Shigeru told his dad, turning to look up at him pleadingly.

His dad pursed his lips, but he raised his gun, aiming for the street. He fired off two rounds, hitting the asphalt by the pack. They jumped away, and then turned to run, leaving the golden wolf behind. It collapsed on its side, legs twitching, and Shigeru ran to it, dropping to his knees beside it. His dad called out a warning, but Shigeru ignored him. He looked down into the eyes of the wolf. They were dark brown, set deep into its face, and something about them seemed familiar.

It watched Shigeru warily, as he reached for the collar. “Shh, don’t bite me okay? I’m going to get this off you.”

The wolf lay still, allowing Shigeru to unfasten the tight leather band, pulling it away. He grimaced, seeing where the leather rubbed away its fur, leaving the skin raw and bleeding.

“Who did this to you?” Shigeru murmured, slowly running his hand across the wolf’s side, stroking its fur down gently.

“Shigeru,” his dad came up beside him. “Come on, get back inside.”

“But he’s hurt. Can’t we bring him in with us to fix him up?”

At those words, the wolf struggled to stand. It regarded Shigeru for a moment, before turning and limping away. Shigeru watched, chewing on his lip, not sure why his chest felt so tight. His dad touched his shoulder, and Shigeru stood, making his way back into his house. As he went back to bed, he couldn’t get the sight of those brown eyes out of his mind, and the nagging feeling that he’d seen those eyes before.

The next day Kyoutani still wasn’t at school. Shigeru gathered his homework and walked to his house once more, determined this time to make him explain what was going on. But this time, Kyoutani wasn’t the one to answer the door. Instead a large man, with dark eyes and an even darker scowl, stood in front of him.

“Who are you?” he grunted.

“Um, I’m Kyoutani-kun’s friend. From school. He’s been out these past couple of days, so I brought him his homework.” Shigeru lifted the folder in his hands as proof.

“He’s sick. I can’t let you in.”

“Oh.” Shigeru shifted on his feet a moment before holding out the folder. “Could you give this to him then?”

The man stared at him a moment, frowning, before he took the folder and shut the door. Sighing, Shigeru made his way home, not sure why he suddenly felt full of dread.

Kyoutani showed up at school the day after that, wearing a turtleneck sweater despite the fact that it wasn’t even cold outside. As soon as he had a free moment, Shigeru went to confront him. He grabbed his arm to pull him to the side, but as soon as he did, Kyoutani shouted in pain, yanking his arm away. Shigeru blinked, not sure what just happened.

“Kyoutani, what—”

“What the hell do you want? Just leave me _alone_ ,” Kyoutani snapped, and Shigeru was stunned to see that his eyes looked glassy with tears. He wondered if that was from pain or something else, and he pursed his lips. Grabbing Kyoutani’s wrist, he pulled him abruptly into the nearest bathroom.

“Take off the sweater,” he said flatly.

“What the fuck? No!” Kyoutani growled, backing away from him.

“If you don’t I’m going to wrestle it off you,” Shigeru warned.

Kyoutani scoffed. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“ _Try_ me.”

Kyoutani narrowed his eyes. “Why the hell do you care so much?”

Shigeru’s mouth dropped open. “Are you serious? We’re _friends_. Of course I care about you!”

Kyoutani’s scowl softened to a faint frown of confusion. “We’re friends?”

Shigeru threw his hands in the air. “No, Kyoutani, I spent a year of my life hanging out with a person that I hate just for kicks.” At Kyoutani’s lack of response, he added, “that was sarcasm.”

Instantly his scowl was back. “I _know_ that.”

Standing still a moment longer, he didn’t move to do or say anything else. Shigeru told himself to be patient, as he pursed his lips, and his inner monologue began screaming. Finally, Kyoutani sighed and pulled off his sweater, wincing as his arms moved over his head. Shigeru bit his lip, swallowing hard as he saw the deep bruising on Kyoutani’s side, the scratches on the arm he’d grabbed, the bandage around his neck.

Kyoutani stood with his shoulders hunched forward, clutching the shirt in both hands in front of him, eyes on the floor. Slowly, everything began to fall into place. Shigeru remembered the book Kyoutani was reading the first time they spoke. He remembered the fact that in the past three days, a full moon had hung in the sky. And he remembered the small golden wolf with those dark brown eyes . . . the same eyes that were looking at him now, peering up from behind thick lashes.

“You’re a werewolf,” Shigeru breathed.

Kyoutani flinched at the word, looking away. “My dad broke a demon contract. I got punished for it.”

“I’m . . . I’m sorry.” Shigeru couldn’t think of a better thing to say. Stepping forward, he reached out, his fingers hovering over the bruise on Kyoutani’s side. “Does it hurt a lot?” he asked softly, keeping his eyes the purple and red mottled skin.

He was standing so close, he felt Kyoutani’s warm breath on his face, as he huffed quietly.

“Kinda.”

Shigeru lifted his eyes to meet Kyoutani’s. “Why didn’t you let us take care of you the other night?” he asked.

Kyoutani turned his gaze away. “I dunno. I didn’t know if I’d accidentally change back or not. I didn’t . . . I didn’t want you to know.”

Shigeru blinked. “Did you think I would stop wanting to hang out with you?”

Kyoutani shrugged one shoulder slightly, keeping his gaze firmly fixed on the bathroom sink beside them. “I didn’t . . . I didn’t want you to be afraid of me.”

“I’m not afraid,” Shigeru said quickly, shaking his head. He watched as Kyoutani side-eyed him skeptically. Hesitantly, Shigeru lifted his hand to Kyoutani’s chin, gently turning his face toward him. Swallowing hard, he leaned forward to lightly brush his lips against Kyoutani’s cheek. Face burning, he pulled back, shaking his head again. “I’m not afraid.”

Kyoutani stared at him, no longer scowling but not revealing anything in his expression either except maybe slight confusion. A nervous flutter entered Shigeru’s stomach, so he lowered his hand and stepped back a few steps.

“Next time let me help you, okay? I’ve been reading a lot about werewolves. I might be able to find something to fix you.”

“You can’t fix me,” Kyoutani said flatly.

Shigeru grinned faintly. “I won’t know that unless I try,” he reasoned. “I want to try. So let me, okay?”

Kyoutani studied him a moment longer, before nodding. “Okay.”

 

Shigeru wouldn’t say that things got _easier_ after that. He had no idea how to take care of a werewolf and the first few months were stressful. His dad had to replace quite a few pieces of furniture, and eventually told Shigeru that he had to get a job to start paying for the damages Kyoutani caused while shifting. But overall Kyoutani seemed happier.

Even Watari noticed.

“Kyoutani’s been feeling better lately, hasn’t he?” he observed one day.

Shigeru glanced over at him, surprised. “You can tell?”

“Well, yeah,” he said with a nod at the boy in question. Kyoutani stood with his tray at the food court buffet, frowning down at the choices. “He doesn’t do his angry scowl that much anymore.” 

Shigeru guessed that was true. When Kyoutani came over to sit with them, he couldn’t help but grin at his friend. “Hey Kyoutani-kun, are you happy today?”

Kyoutani frowned at him. “What kind of question is that?” he asked.

“You just seem happy.”

Shigeru watched as the tips of his ears turned pink.

“No, I don’t,” he muttered, tearing into his food then, as Watari and Shigeru laughed.

Afterwards, as they went to throw their trash away and head to their next class, Shigeru leaned over to whisper in Kyoutani’s ear. “I’m glad you’re happy.”

The pink returned, spreading down the back of his neck, and Shigeru laughed, a warm feeling entering his chest. Kyoutani ducked his head and quickly made his way into the classroom, leaving Watari and Shigeru to trail after him.

“Hmm, you seem happier too,” Watari observed.

Now it was Shigeru’s turn to redden. “Erm.”

Watari snickered. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to.” He patted Shigeru’s shoulder, before finding his desk.

As Shigeru sat in his, he felt a little lightheaded. _Tell anyone_ what _?_

It didn’t take him much longer to figure it out. Only two months passed before the realization hit him and he admitted to himself that yes, he had a massive crush on Kyoutani. Unfortunately it didn’t seem that easy to actually _confess_ this to Kyoutani himself, so he ended up putting off that conversation until nearly six months later.

It was after a full moon. Kyoutani lay on the floor of Shigeru’s living room, trembling from the exertion of the shift, shiny with sweat. Shigeru laid a blanket over him to hide his nakedness and sat beside him, pushing his fingers through his hair, stroking the recently bleached strands lightly. This gesture always helped calm Kyoutani after a shift, and after Shigeru’s dad placed a glass of water on the floor beside them, he left them alone, returning to his study.

“That doesn’t seem to get any easier,” Shigeru observed softly, trailing his finger gently over the curve of Kyoutani’s ear.

“It doesn’t,” Kyoutani muttered, gripping the blanket tighter around his shoulders.

“I’m sorry.” Shigeru’s voice fell into a whisper, and the pang in his chest grew sharper. He wanted to lay down behind him, to wrap himself around Kyoutani and hold him until the shivering stopped and the pain went away. But he wasn’t sure how well that’d be received, so he remained where he was until he felt enough time had passed.

Carefully, he helped Kyoutani into a seated position and then handed him the glass of water.

“My birthday’s coming up, you know,” Shigeru said to break the silence. “I’ll be sixteen.”

Kyoutani rolled his eyes. “Congratulations,” he muttered. “I don’t have any money to get you anything.”

“That’s okay,” Shigeru said lightly, his heart pounding faster in his chest. It felt like it was trying to crawl into his throat, so he swallowed hard to keep it at bay. “You . . . you’re the best gift I could ask for anyway.” He tightened his lips, face burning.

Kyoutani froze, glass at his lips. His eyes flickered over to Shigeru’s face, and Shigeru kind of wanted to die, disappear, run away screaming. But he sat still, twisting his fingers in his lap, keeping Kyoutani’s gaze.

“What the f—”

“I like you!” The words burst out of him like they were desperate to escape, and he supposed they were, having kept them bottled inside for over six months.

Kyoutani stopped once more, eyes widening. He quickly set down his glass, his fingers shaking.

“If this is a joke, I swear I’ll punch you.”

“It’s not a joke,” Shigeru said, his palms sweating. He wiped them on his pants, shaking his head. He laughed, a little high and hysterical, grimacing afterward. Kyoutani’s expression didn’t change from his scowl of perplexity, and Shigeru inhaled unsteadily.

“I . . . I like taking care of you. I like it when you let me stroke your hair and-and the fact that you trust me with all this . . .” Shigeru gestured around the living area, noting the scratches on the floorboards with a slight wince. “It means a lot to me. AndIthinkyou’rereallycute.” He gasped after spilling that last part out all in one breath.

Kyoutani’s cheeks were flushed, and he turned his face away to scowl at the floor. “What the hell,” he muttered, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. Turning back to Shigeru, he narrowed his eyes. “I’m not cute.”

Shigeru laughed, still too high but less like he was losing his mind. “That’s all you have to say?”

Kyoutani poked at a groove in the floorboards. “What do you want me to say? That I think you’re cute? That I like you back?” His voice was gruff, wavering just enough for Shigeru’s heart to start beating faster.

“Do you?” he asked quietly, curling his fingers into his knees to clutch them tightly.

Kyoutani squinted toward the ceiling. “Maybe,” he muttered. He lowered his gaze then to scowl at Shigeru. “Don’t laugh.”

“I’m not laughing,” Shigeru insisted, and he wasn’t. He _was_ , however, grinning so hard he felt his face would break, and when he noticed this, Kyoutani flushed and looked away again.

Shigeru scooted closer to him, his stomach twisting but his resolution in tact. “Can I kiss you? For real?”

Kyoutani wrinkled his nose. “You really want to?”

Shigeru nodded, biting his lip. Kyoutani’s throat bobbed, and he licked his lips before nodding just slightly. That was enough for Shigeru, though. He moved to sit directly in front of him, lifting his hand to run his fingers through Kyoutani’s hair gently. He started to lean in, but Kyoutani suddenly put up his hand, laying it on Shigeru’s chest to hold him back. Shigeru paused, wondering if he’d done something wrong.

“My . . . my name is Kentarou,” he murmured, eyes on Shigeru’s lips.

Shigeru inhaled sharply. As a general rule, nobody gave out his or her given names to anyone they didn’t trust implicitly. If a demon got a hold of it they could curse or hex you. Names were powerful things, and Shigeru’s head swam with the implications of Kyoutani revealing such a vulnerable piece of himself.

He reached up, taking Kentarou’s hand with his free one and lacing their fingers together. “Hello, Kentarou,” he said softly, grinning. “I’m Shigeru.”

“Shigeru . . .” Kentarou spoke his name slowly, almost reverently it seemed.

That was too much for Shigeru, so he quickly leaned forward to kiss him, cutting off his speech completely. Kentarou stiffened at the abruptness, but then he squeezed Shigeru’s hand and kissed him back, lips still damp, soft and pliant. 

A shiver ran through Shigeru, spreading fire through his veins.

 _Kyoutani Kentarou_.

He hoped he’d get to say that name for a long time after this.

**Author's Note:**

> http://shions-heart.tumblr.com/


End file.
